Dear, Stranger.

“The kids are in a hurry

And I’m just full of fear
The lights make bodies blurry
It’s getting hard enough to hear
It’s like the evidence is cared for
And evidently clear
If I never leave this dance floor
I’ll never leave you here

Yeah, I
I saw your ghost tonight
The moment felt so real
If your eyes stay right on mine
My wounds would start to heal

Yeah, I
I saw your ghost tonight
It fucking hurt like hell
I felt you here tonight
But dreams can’t all be real”

It feels lazy to just post lyrics.

I’d love to chop them into pieces and replace them in an order so elegant.

I’d love to craft something more. Take someone else’s worlds and make them my own.

But they seem so accurate.

So straight forward.

I never fully understood this line till tonight.

“The joke was something awful just like kisses on the neck to best friends.”

It was just like spending one more night with someone you used to know. Someone you loved. 

Maybe you’re right.

Maybe I’m bad news.

Maybe I’m the wrong one.

Maybe she’s only there because she can’t say no.

I have zero answers.

All I know is that I had a great time. 

That she made my heart flutter like a hummingbird.

And I’ll feel that last bite for a long, long time.

I feel so heart-sick I could throw up.

I feel so gutted, I could die.

I’ve never craved, so deeply, just to hold a girl in my arms.

I’ve never felt, so acutely, this pain in my chest.

It’s a dull, hollow throb. It comes and goes.

       Makes your head feel heavy.

I can’t even end this properly.

This line stuck out.

I got five bucks, but I feel like a million. 

A word on J.

You make me gush with conversation.

I truly act myself around you. And you like it.
     Which is nice.

I’ve been so ready to share all and honestly,
     That it has been refreshing to meet you,

           When you’re already doing that.

I don’t like that you smoke.
     But that’s the reality of life.

That you’ll never like everything about anybody.

We have such chemistry, you have but to step out your door

Step onto a train.

The hour and a half would be well worth falling in love. 

You make me crazy.

I want to kiss you in fields of grass. Hold you close in moonlight. And dance with you in rain storms.

Your pretty smiles make me fall for you. Fast.

You see my heart on my sleeve.

You are my weakness.

And You know it.

I wish that but one of you would say,

Make me smile,

and I’ll be your lady.

But for now, 

you are content just being a girl.

sincerely,

A very frustrated, lonely N

p.s. I know you know how fucking cute you are. Jerk.

So I sip this single barrel batch whiskey.

Another loved one, gone.

She was always, even in her death, a southern bell.

I’ll be drinking manhattans all week. They remind me of thanksgivings past. And mid-day visits.

Rest In Peace, Grandmother.

These are lyrics. But I my good friend Michter’s whiskey deemed it appropriate to jump across the room and read them.

“She’s a pretty girl. She’s always falling down.
And I think I just fell in love with her,
But she won’t ever remember, remember.

And I can always find her at the bottom of a plastic cup.
Drowning in drunk sincerity.
A sad and lonely girl.”

The thought of her, brings my drunken self a huge smile. Teary-eyed, I write this. Willing to spill my guts for strangers just for a moment of notice.

I’m a mess.

But like it or not, I might just be,

Her mess now.

I hope that your happy tonight.

I changed my outlook.

I changed my goals.

I changed my priorities.

I changed my hair.

Let all who walk near me, know I am different. 

Let all the crowd see me as I am, heart on sleeve.

And maybe.

Just maybe.

Someone will glance at her and say,

“I wish he was mine.”

Because in all fairness. I’m stuck on her now.

Someone said to me, “Thats the N I met 6 years ago.” She’s right. I was wide-eyed, smiling, enthralled and in love.

And I didn’t give a damn about the rest.

I rode my Bicycle through “Hurricane” Irene and didn’t die. Seems to be the story of my life in NYC. 

Boy narrowly avoids major injury in dangerous situation… on a bike.